English is a flexible language with amazing descriptive power when used correctly. You can string together words to make a pun, tell a story, or describe a sunset. But it’s sometimes quite tough to translate your own personal experiences into coherent words that make sense to others.
After meeting your favorite singer, were you “elated,” “beside yourself,” or “over the moon”? When your partner broke up with you, were you “crushed” or “despondent”? It’s possible that, feeling unable to adequately express yourself, you might choose not to express yourself at all.
That was certainly the case for me when I was dealing with a toxic workplace. I remember well a meeting that took place during the height of the pandemic. I had spent hours the previous night thinking about how to tell the department head about the creeping sense of dread in the office.
The country in which I was working never went into lockdown, so everyone had to commute each day on packed buses and subway trains, only to wear a mask for eight-plus hours in the office, cringing each time a colleague coughed.
Dealing with the uncertainty of COVID before vaccines had been developed was causing myself and others depression, in some cases extreme anxiety, and even panic attacks. Some people were fine with the situation – and more power to them, I guess, to be unbothered.
But the constant stream of bad news, family and friends having health scares, and the general weirdness of going to the office when many other countries had locked down had really taken a toll on myself and others on my team.
I had carefully thought about how to relay this to the department head without sounding overdramatic, and I’d also smartly framed the situation as “the mental stresses caused by COVID are resulting in quality and efficiency issues” because I knew the bottom line was what was most important to the company.
After making my case (and being proud of myself for not getting too “emotional” or losing my cool), the response I got was: “Well, we’re all kind of depressed. I’m anxious too, but I’m dealing with it.”
There was no sympathy, I wasn’t asked “is there anything we can do to help?”, and I felt as though I hadn’t truly gotten through to the department head. For several months after that point, I basically clammed up in meetings and let my feelings fester.
I blamed it on my inability to accurately relay the severity of the situation. As my anxiety got worse and COVID dragged on, causing long-term health issues for many and even the death of people close to my coworkers.
I felt almost like an upset child, crying at the drop of a hat but unable to tell their parents why. I suspect that many other people have been in situations akin to mine, especially people dealing with workplace mistreatment.
Similar to how my department head brushed off my COVID-based anxiety as “we’re all dealing with it,” people who try to tell colleagues about their abuse might be met with “well, have a glass of chardonnay and don’t worry about it” or, my personal favorite, “leave it at the office.”
It’s as though a magical barrier separates work life from the rest of your life, and one never impacts the other. (If anyone ever finds a store that sells such a magical barrier, please let me know!)
It is a great accomplishment just to work up the courage to tell another person about what’s happening to you – to report an inappropriate comment made by a supervisor or to ask your teammate what they think about a colleague who’s been stonewalling you.
And it can sometimes be just as challenging to put these awful workplace experiences into words just for yourself. I don’t mean muttering to yourself, and I’m not necessarily talking about your internal dialogue.
When you are dealing with negative workplace interactions that cause depression, stomachaches, lost sleep, and so on, it’s sometimes hard to even think about those interactions/feelings in a coherent way.
You might find yourself trying to navigate a raging storm of mental and physical pain, one that causes your brain to basically respond to stimuli with “ow, I don’t like this one single bit.” Just taking the first step in realizing you’re dealing with workplace mistreatment
Thus will need to be able to keep track of, think about, and talk about these experiences in order to recover – is incredibly brave. You’ve learned that words have the power to hurt, but we should never lose sight of the fact that words can also help you to heal.
Reading Gary Whitmer’s article “The Impact of Workplace Mistreatment” reminded me just how effective well-chosen words can be. To be perfectly honest, it was difficult for me to get through the article the first time I read it.
The descriptions of the feelings related to workplace mistreatment reminded me a lot of what I have experienced multiple times over my career so far.
However, my reaction to the article shows just how well Gary understands the topic, and how much he has learned from clients dealing with terrible work situations.
The article feels “true to life” thanks to his decades-long focus on workplace mistreatment. It is possible that others reading this article have a visceral reaction to it like I did.
If memories of past workplace mistreatment have caused such a reaction, I hope you are in a better place and have recovered as best you can; if your current workplace is making you feel this way, I encourage you to begin the process of healing if possible.
“The Impact of Workplace Mistreatment” is one of several pieces of writing currently found on Velamentis.
We are working hard to bring you tutorials, articles, cartoons, and blog posts that help you make sense of and recover from workplace mistreatment, workplace abuse, and the trauma they may cause.
It is important to us that the content we upload is relevant and helpful, so if you have any feedback on currently available content or have suggestions about future content, please reach out to us here.
Jen
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Contributors:
- Avery Schwartz: Copy Editor
- Pamela Sampel: Subject Matter Expert
- Gary Whitmer: Subject Matter Expert
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